A lack of fatherly affection in boyhood is a shared experience of the 120,000 Australian men each year who, for the first time, are violent towards their partner.
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Men who were sure they'd had an affectionate father or father figure as a child were 48 per cent less likely to be violent than those who were certain they had not.
Ten to Men, an Australian longitudinal study of male health, has been tracking more than 16,000 boys and men since 2013.
In landmark new findings, the study has revealed a surge in intimate partner violence, which can include physical, sexual and emotional brutality, over the decade to 2022.
In 2013 one quarter of Australian men admitted to having ever been violent to a partner.
By 2022 that had leapt to one in three - or 35 per cent of men aged 18 to 65.
"That's 120,000 men per year - each and every year - that are engaging in this behavior for the first time," Ten to Men program lead Dr Sean Martin said.
"So that is concerning and underscores why, from the prime minister down, everyone is now referring to this as a national crisis in need of action," he said.
One third of those men acknowledged they'd used emotional violence, while nine per cent admitted to ever "hitting, slapping, kicking or otherwise physically hurting" an intimate partner when they were angry.
While previous studies had highlighted violent men's relationship with the mothers, this research delved into paternal bonds.
There was also a link between men who were suicidal or had depression and partner violence.
"[Men were] 62 per cent more likely to use intimate partner violence if they'd earlier reported significant depressive symptoms," Dr Martin said.
"Men who had suicidal thoughts or had made suicidal plans - or even attempts - those men were again later found to [have] an increased use of intimate partner violence."
Men choose to be violent
Nick Joseph, who has counselled violent men to change their behaviour for more than a decade, said despite the shared experiences of many abusive men, they were ultimately responsible for their actions.
"The thing that's really, really important here is that everybody has a story, but men are still choosing to use family violence," he said.
"Regardless of what their level of trauma is - whether there's drugs and alcohol involved, whether they've had a poor relationship with their father - they're still making a choice to use family violence."
Mr Joseph said dysfunctional families and entitled or privileged fathers who didn't show affection - or were themselves violent - were features of abusers' backgrounds.
Overall, violent men often had low self-esteem, the case manager for No To Violence, which runs the national Men's Referral Service hotline, said.
"One of the things that probably sort of stands out for me with all [abusive] men is that they've got a low self-esteem within themselves, and they're not feeling comfortable with who they are, for whatever reason," he said.
Fathers: treat women as equals
His advice for fathers was to show their sons it was OK to be vulnerable - and to model equal relationships with women, especially partners or spouses.
"Make sure that they're just allowing the space for their partner to speak up, to speak their mind, to not talk over them," Mr Joseph said.
Ten to Men program lead Sean Martin said society needed to have open conversations about men's behaviour.
"I would argue even more importantly at a society level to start those conversations with friends, with colleagues, around the appropriate attitudes that come to bear in these sort of situations," Dr Martin said.
The research was concerning but "sadly not surprising", Social Services Minister Tanya Plibersek said.
"It's critical that we look at the factors that might lead to violence so we can make sure we're funding programs that stop it at the start," she said.
"To end domestic and family violence we need to invest in the frontline services that help people and keep them safe, but we also need to stop the behaviours that lead to it."
No To Violence chief executive Phillip Ripper agreed.
"That strategy must focus on disrupting men's pathways into using violence and breaking intergenerational cycles of violence - including encouraging and supporting healthy relationships for men with their children and families," he said.
"It must also focus on early intervention with people at risk of using family violence and interventions to work with men to end their use of family violence such as behaviour change programs."
Ten to Men is coordinated through the Australian Institute of Family Studies.
- Support is available for those who may be distressed. Phone Lifeline 13 11 14; Men's Referral Service 1300 776 491; Kids Helpline 1800 551 800; beyondblue 1300 224 636; 1800-RESPECT 1800 737 732; 13YARN 13 92 76
