In some not-so-funny news, it was recently revealed that after almost 20 years of marriage, Chris Rock and his wife, Malaak Compton-Rock, are divorcing.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
$0/
(min cost $0)
or signup to continue reading
"After much contemplation and 19 years of marriage, Chris and I have decided to go our separate ways," Compton-Rock said in a statement to People. "While recognising that this is a significant change, my children remain at the centre of my life and their wellbeing is my top priority," she said.
The soon-to-be divorced couple have two daughters; Lola, 12, and Zahra, 10.
While the split may come as a shock to some, anyone familiar with his standup would be aware that relationships and marriage have taken a regular beating in his routines.
So, in memory of the relationship that was, here are some of Rock's best jokes about marriage.
On relationships:
"All good relationships are boring. The only exciting relationships, are bad ones," says Rock, in his Never Scared tour.
"Those are the choices you've got in life, man. You can be married and bored, or single and lonely. Ain't no happiness nowhere."
Infidelity:
"A man is basically as faithful as his options."
How you know you're in love:
"If you haven't contemplated murder, you ain't been in love. If you haven't seriously thought about killing a motherf-----, you ain't been in love. If you haven't had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for 45 minutes straight, you ain't been in love. If you haven't bought a shovel and a bag and a rug to roll their a.. up in, you ain't been in love. If you haven't practiced your alibi in a mirror, you ain't ever been in love. And the only thing stopping you from killing this motherf----- is an episode of CSI."
On hanging out with married couples:
"Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just spicing up the activities. 'Come on, tell us some of your cracky tales, please!' "
On being a husband: "Fellas, once you get married you become your wife's pet. Cause women like to get their husbands together, that don't even know each other, and have like a grown-man play date. Put you in a room with some other married motherf-----, and go 'he likes baseball just like you'. Then you're in some room with some f------ stranger, going 'I like baseball' ".
On arguing with your wife:
"Don't argue. You cannot win. You cannot beat a woman in an argument. It's impossible. You cannot win. Because men, we are handicapped in an argument, because we have a need to make sense. Women ain't gonna let a little thing like sense f--- up their argument.
And on happiness in marriage:
"Try your best to make her happy. Try your best, but here's one thing nobody tells you; you can't make a woman happy. It's impossible. I've never met a happy woman in my life. Women are always complaining about something," says Rock.
"No matter what you do, your woman is mad at you."
