On the cover, Blake, frowning, points at a mobile phone, Louise, brows perturbed, holds his shoulder supportively in the background.

Magwatch looks forward to future WD Bachelor covers.

Blake and Louise glowering at an upturned rubbish bin in the street. WD headline: "Lisa's Dirty Habits Ruining Our Neighbourhood".

Blake and Louise crying while holding a poorly baby sparrow. Headline "Lisa, Share Our Concern For This Bird's Plight!"

Blake and Louise squinting in sunshine because they have forgotten their sunglasses. Headline: "Lisa Has Some Sunglasses In Her Bag – What A Hussy!"

In a thrilling five-page special report on the secrets of Hollywood fitness trainers, Kelly Osbourne's exercise routine is revealed in OK!.

The TV host and actress has taken up Prancercise, a work-out "that involves mimicking show horses".

Always keen on fitness crazes, particularly one that is a "springy, rhythmic way of moving forward, similar to a horse's gait and ideally induced by elation", Magwatch is right behind Osbourne. Except during any droppings.

Famous has hit upon an unnerving celebrity body mystery surrounding the often perfectly groomed pop songstress Taylor Swift.

Headlined chummily, "Um, Taylor … Where's Your Bellybutton?", the report seeks to uncover the whereabouts of Swift's navel, based on a gallery of photos featuring her in midriff-baring outfits.

In Poirotish tones, Famous notes that "Even at the beach, the 24-year-old goes for '50s-style, high-waisted options … we want some answers."

Magwatch feels Famous should desist, lest its investigative probe drives Swift's undetected umbilicus into further seclusion.

Help would be at hand however. Cue Woman's Day: "Taylor Swift's Agony: 'The Bachelor's Lisa Stole My Belly Button!' Star's Desperate Appeal".