1. One day, we'll reflect that the saddest part of this sorry saga was that football looked to rugby league for a steer on what to do next.

2. And while we're again floating helplessly through the galaxy of the sporting acronym (where time has ceased to be a measurement of change and no one hears you scream), when Bomber Thompson says he couldn't care less about ASADA, how does that differ from him looking like he couldn't care less about pretty much anything?

3. They reckon anyone could win this year's Brownlow, which must come as unexpected good news for all those Melbourne players Roosy says can't kick or handball and aren't much good at the tricky bits of the game either.

4. Speaking of Charlie, anyone heard of this Ablett bloke who never plays but seems to be second favourite?

5. If Melbourne can write to the AFL asking for another priority pick, then surely the rest of us can drop them a line to see if they can spare some drugs?

SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION

Six steps from Brent Harvey to Curtly Ambrose:

1. Brent Harvey is a footballer who's been around forever but he's sick of blokes called Picken pickin' fights and now he's pickin' himself up from a reminder that keeping a cool head's better than using your muscles even when they're as big as ...

2. Popeye, who was a sailor man who loved his spinach and his girl named Olive and his big tattoos which made him a man before his time or at least a walk-up start as a Collingwood footballer but at the end of the day he was a cartoon character like ...

3. Clive Palmer, and we're sick of him bobbing up here too but let's face it you couldn't make this stuff up and if that Jacqui Lambie's representative of the masses then pack up the tents and put us on the next train outta here, which could be a song by ...

4. Johnny Cash, who walked the line between preacher and rebel and sinner and saint and addict and poet and now we're starting to sound like a Bob Murphy column, which is OK if you like gazing dreamily at the sky, which is where you'd reckon you might find ...

5. Big Bird, except he can't fly and neither can his friend Mr Snuffleupagus, who used to be imaginery but apparently he's not anymore but anyway the bird can rollerskate and sing and he shares a nickname with the bloke who retired and was replaced by ...

6. Curtly Ambrose, who was more of a bouncer than a boomer and he didn't say much which Liam Picken doesn't either especially not this week and Curtly knew a thing or two about going for the throat, which is a tactic now deeply regretted by Brent Harvey.

ARMCHAIR FOOTY BINGO

Did you hear Will Minson got dropped and think, jeez, I hope he landed on something soft? Do you reckon it's bloody typical that a footballer gets a game off with a broken hand but if you're a Melbourne fan you're expected to front up every week with a broken heart? Start the off-season early with a game of Armchair Footy Bingo! Rack up more points than there are Mad Monday organisers pondering who they'll set fire to this year, and you win!

This weekend's targets:

- Wayne Carey's suggestion that umpires consult coaches before casting their Brownlow votes falters when Mick Malthouse refuses to make eye contact with them, repeatedly says "you're entitled to your opinion", then disputes whether the player they think should get the three votes was even playing – bolshie to the bitter end points.

- Stats boffins finally get up to speed with the modern game by recording not only "contested possessions", "effective disposals" and "score involvements" but also adding columns for "outstanding show-cause notices" and "members' money spent on really expensive lawyers" – whatever will we do when it's over points.

- In a surprise that even that prat Tom Waterhouse didn't make provision for, the crucial North Melbourne-Adelaide game is won by Papua New Guinea after the AFL's two most up-and-down teams both go missing on the same day – scraping the bottom of the barrel points.

FOOTYHEAD SAYS

A look at expert opinion through a glass of hindsight as the pointy end looms:

"You can't win a flag in the pre-season even if you're Carlton. Or April if you're West Coast when apparently the Swans had already lost one. In May Freo couldn't do it either and the Goldy's were certain. By June Port and Carringbush had firmed and every second week North or Adelaide were teasing. Now Geelong is second and can't ... Oh really? Anybody's guess from here then."