OK. Here's the thing. The dwarfs keep winning at the swimming.
It's hard to know what to call them. There is a constant worry among officials - and reporters - about offending the little tackers. Shuffling across the pool deck, climbing all the way up there onto the blocks, zipping through their laps like little wind-up toys, arms and legs going a million miles an hour, they've become the hit of the Water Cube despite being . . . what? What are we supposed to call them without supposedly insulting them? The official Paralympic rule book describes them as "short-statured athletes". Pull the other one. Ronnie Corbett, that's short-statured. But he would tower over this lot. The Americans call them "the little people," but let's just spit it out - they're dwarfs.
What is more, they're cleaning up big-time.
Classifying disabled athletes is the greatest challenge facing the International Paralympic Committee. There cannot be a different category for every different physical condition. If there was, we'd be here until Christmas. So who should the dwarfs swim against? The double amputees? Single amputees? Those with one leg, or no trunk muscles, or limited hand and arm movement - who? What's the equivalent of being a dwarf in terms of bodily function?
They are normally placed in the S6 category, which, according to the rule book, comprises of "athletes with full use of arms and hands, some trunk control but no useful leg muscles; athletes with co-ordination problems; athletes with the loss of two limbs; short statured athletes (under 130cm)."
Of the first five S6 finals, dwarfs won four of them. Great Britain's youngest Paralympian, 13-year-old Eleanor Simmonds, won gold in the S6 100 metres freestyle. She was featured on BBC news, her under-sized arms pumping in celebration when she looked at the clock. Some of the dwarfs need to be helped up onto the blocks before a race, but not Simmonds. She gets up there all by herself. The BBC news reports on her, shown on TV in Beijing, made no mention of her achondroplasia, or dwarfism. What a pity. It makes her more interesting, not less.
American women, Erin Popovich and Miranda Uhl, have won also gold, but a reporter for The New York Times does not mention their condition in his stories.
Everyone should just stop pussy-footing around. They're dwarfs! It's no secret! It's not like they don't already know. And it is not a bad thing. Dwarfs get stopped in the street by strangers wanting to kiss their feet because it's regarded as good luck. Some people have big noses. Some people are too fat, or too skinny, or really ugly, or really beautiful. Other people are dwarfs. It's no big deal.
The Water Cube has been a sight for sore eyes. China's He Junquan, with no arms, was leading the 50m backstroke final. He approached the wall with a narrow lead. Every person in the stadium who had feet was on them. There was an almighty din, red Chinese flags everywhere. He came to the finish - and had to crash into the wall with his head. As He slowed down to lessen the impact, Brazilian Daniel Dias hit the wall first with an outstretched hand. You've never heard a silence like it.
Presented with his silver medal and flowers at the presentation ceremony, He put the flowers between his teeth and bowed.
In yesterday morning's heats, Greece's Christos Tampaxis was wheeled to the edge of the pool by two minders for the S2 100m freestyle. He was in an electric wheelchair. The minders threw him into the pool. He started floating on his back, smiling. The minders held his feet against the wall for the start. Freestyle means you can do whatever stroke you want, and Tampaxis, with no leg movement, did backstroke. He took an eternity - two minutes, 53.19 seconds, to be precise - to finish. He kept floating on his back, smiling. He was eventually dragged out of the water, placed back in his chair and taken away. He's also blind. The dwarfs have got it pretty good, really.
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